How Do I Control Myself Better?
Lesson 10 -- Fruit of the Spirit
(Bite-Sized Bible Course)

Have you ever lost it? I mean, really lost it. You chewed someone out. You threw something so hard you broke it. In those instances, have you ever asked, "How do I control myself better? I'm better than this, aren't I?"

This lesson tackles these questions and more as we look at the last aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit, self-control.

Before we get into the lesson, we wanted to mention that this is Lesson 10 in our Fruit of the Spirit Course. If you haven't taken the other nine lessons, we encourage you to do so. These lessons are meant to be taken in order.

Also, we've provided a quiz at the end to help you master the material. Make sure to take that. It will really help.

And now let's answer our question, "How can I control myself better?"

How Do I Control Myself?

“How do I control myself?” is a question most of us know well. We promise we'll do better next time, and we mean it. Then next time looks a lot like last time.

The good news is that God doesn't just tell us to control ourselves. He gives us his Spirit. One of the fruits the Spirit grows in us is self-control (Galatians 5).

The New Testament often connects self-control with clear thinking and sober judgment. We see this in calls to be self-controlled and ready (1 Peter 5:8). We also see self-control listed alongside qualities like love, sound judgment, and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).

So biblical self-control is really about our minds and hearts being steadied by God. Self-control is all about us learning how to respond to his voice. That way, we won't be jerked around by every feeling, impulse, or desire that passes through us (Titus 2:11-12).

Let's look at what the Bible says about this in more detail.

Self-control in the New Testament

When we look at the New Testament, we find that self-control shows up in several areas of life. Anyone who follows Christ is called to be self-controlled (Titus 2:2-6). To set an example for the church, God's Word calls church leaders to be self-controlled (1 Timothy 3:2).

We also see self-control in how we handle our bodies, thoughts, desires and emotions. Paul talks about disciplining his body like an athlete so that he will not be disqualified after preaching to others (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). He warns that out-of-control desires can pull us away from the faith. When this happens, they bring misery (1 Timothy 6:9-10).

In other words, self-control is not a “bonus” virtue for the extra serious. It is part of normal Christian living. It protects us from spiritual drift and helps us live in a way that lines up with the gospel we believe.

Self-control and the Fruit of the Spirit

When we come to the Fruit of the Spirit, self-control is the last word in the list (Galatians 5:22-23). Don't let that fool you. That does not mean it is the least important. If anything, it helps hold the others together.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness all need self-control to show up consistently in our lives. The others depend heavily on the last attribute to keep them vibrant and active.

Do you remember the passage just before the Fruit of the Spirit? He contrasted the "works of the flesh" with the activity of the Spirit.

In doing so, Paul outlines two ways to live. Either according to the flesh or by the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-21). The works of the flesh are what flow out of us when we let our sinful nature drive. In contrast, the Fruit of the Spirit is what grows in us when the Spirit is in charge.

But then look at what Paul says immediately after the list of the Spirit's Fruit. He says that those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires (Galatians 5:24).

That is the heart of Spirit-led self-control. We no longer treat our desires as our masters who enslave us to their whim and will. We see them in the light of the cross and learn by the Spirit’s power. We now know how to tell them “no” or “yes” based on what pleases Jesus, just like the Spirit teaches us.

That's how we answer the question, "How do I control myself?"

How self-control plays out in everyday life

In daily life, Spirit-grown self-control is often quiet and ordinary. It looks like us catching ourselves one step earlier than we used to. It sounds like a pause, a prayer, and a different choice.

It might show up in our words, as we hold back that sharp reply and choose a softer answer instead (Proverbs 15:1). It might show up in our habits, as we step away from the screen, turn off a show, or close a tab that we know will not help our souls (1 Corinthians 10:23). It might show up in our appetites, as we refuse to let food, drink, or anything else take the place in our hearts that belongs only to God (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Over time, these small acts of obedience add up. They form new patterns. We start to notice that by God’s grace, we are not as easily swept away as we once were. We still feel the pull of temptation, but we also feel the presence and strength of the Spirit helping us walk a different path (Galatians 5:16, 25).

Don't get me wrong. We still have a responsibility to control ourselves. It isn't a "Let go, and Let God," thing.

The Spirit gives us the power. He provides the root that produces the fruit. When we indulge ourselves in the Fruit of the Spirit by practicing traits like self-control, we taste the sweetness of God's blessings.

But we still have to practice self-control. We simply do so in the power of the Holy Spirit. That way we never again have to ask, "How do I control myself?"

So...Really...How Do I Control Myself?

Well, you need the Spirit first. The only way you can get Him is to go through the Way, Jesus Christ. If you haven't already, put your trust in Him.

If you already follow Christ and are struggling, think about one area where you feel the most vulnerable. It might be your temper, your tongue, your phone, your spending, your eating, or something more hidden.

Ask yourself three honest questions:

• When am I most likely to lose control in this area?
• What am I usually wanting in that moment?
• What simple step could I take, with God’s help, to walk by the Spirit instead of just going with the flow?

What might those "simple steps" look like? They may include pausing to pray before you respond. They could be setting a small boundary. Maybe it means memorizing one verse that you say out loud when the urge hits. Or perhaps it's simply inviting a trusted friend to check in with you.

Don't worry. God won't leave you to do this on your own. If you belong to Jesus, His Spirit is in you. He's already at work.

Just take small steps of faith and obedience. When you do, He will grow real self-control in you. And you'll never regret it because you'll taste the sweetness of all God has to offer.

God bless.

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